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Cop Codes

Date: August 25, 2011

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I was working with law enforcement when my ex-husband left me. He had already moved out but I was naive, thinking that after I graduate I'd move in his new place. When he came to visit we had sex, and he showered and told me he had to go. I asked him if he'd stay for dinner, but he replied that he'd rather not, because he had gone to the courthouse earlier that day to file for divorce. I was naked in bed when he said that.

I don't know how long I laid there. But when I finally got myself dressed, it was in my uniform, and the cop codes where in my back pocket. Later during my shift I wrote a letter to myself behind it. I keep the codes with my divorce papers to remind me of my resolve and determination to not get beat by it. Needless to say, that resolve worked wonderfully over the past years.

Be my penguin

Date: January 28, 2010

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He was the first boy I loved and we were young and living in the moment. One day after coming back from a vacation, he told me that when a male penguin finds a potential mate, he looks for a perfect rock to present to her as a way of asking her to be his mate for life. He then pulled out a heart shaped rock and admitted to searching the beach for hours to find it. He asked me to be his penguin. We lasted nine months before I moved on and broke his heart, but we are both able to look back and smile now.

Hair stuff

Category: Stuff She Left
Date: January 24, 2010

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I never understood how she could spend so much money on special shampoo and conditioner. It irritated me every time she came home with another bag of expensive stuff and I'd point out that there was perfectly good products at the drug store for a 1/4 of the price.

Well, when we split up, she left several fancy bottles in the shower. When I ran out of my cheap shampoo, I figured I'd use up the expensive stuff rather than just let it go to waste.

You probably already know where this is going. Yep, I now buy HER brand of shampoo AND conditioner and have to make special trips to get it since they don't carry it at the drug store. I guess I owe her an apology but that's not going to happen.

dried roses

Date: January 17, 2010

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About four years ago he was my everything, my first boyfriend, my first butterflys. we weren't for sure dating but v-day came and he got me a single red rose. i hung it upside down and let it dry out. then i put it in a little box and saved it.

We lasted almost a year and to my suprise he dumped me with a text message for another girl. i saved that rose for a while, until now. i went through my stuff and found that box, i smiled as i threw it in the trash. i knew that it was his loss because now there are three roses hanging on the wall, ive had my first kiss, and its been over a year.


Category: Stuff He Left
Date: December 21, 2009

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At first, he was so perfect. We were the same religion, went to the same school, and I'd never been treated so much like a princess by anyone! He wasn't shy about being seen with me. But then things went bad. He became abusive, and still I stayed. He threatened to kill himself if I left. Eventually, I got up the nerve to break up with him. I still had a few of his things, like his favorite hoodie. Instead of giving it back, I burned it.

The Wedding That Never Was

Date: September 24, 2009

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So the story begins with me believing that I had finally found the One. That individual who from a tender young age all women hear about who is supposed to be your perfect match, and treat you wonderfully. We were dating for about a year and a half before he proposed. It was out of a fairy tale - a carriage ride through Central Park in NYC. I was elated, and everything was working. The one thing I hadn't counted on was my family not approving. They did like him in the beginning, but something changed. I didn't understand but gradually over time there were little moments that didn't sit well with me. I continued to use the wedding as a distraction and ended up becoming the owner of a dress. A beautiful, and elegant dress that I was going to be so happy to wear to my wedding. The day I became something to someone. The day I had waited for, and thought I finally found. Then the bottom dropped out.

We had been together for almost 3 years, and the week leading up to the break up was the worst of my life. I was physically ill, we argued a lot, and I wrestled with the idea of separating. He actually had the gall to give me an ultimatum - either him and our wedding or my family, but I couldn't have both. He later tried to take it back, but it didn't fly. I remember finding the strength somehow, and after the drive to his place I don't know how I did it, but I ended it all - the relationship, the wedding, the friendship.

So this is where I am- almost 2 months later, and I'm stuck with the worst reminder of what was and would have been. This wedding dress; for now it sits in the closet, but I would love to sell it...


Hey Sally

Date: February 22, 2009

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He is two years my senior and an aspiring musician. We met when we were in high school and dated casually. We knew we had feelings for each other but never said anything. We became inseparable two months into our friendship. He started inviting me over to his place for drinks and we would watch TV and I'd listen to him sing and write new songs. The one thing I loved about him was that he was always asking my opinion on his songs. What rhymes with this, do you think I should change the lyrics, when should I start recording and things like that. I kept motivating him to fulfill his dream of cutting a studio album. His band called us lovebirds whenever I came over for their jamming sessions. We were never officially together. He was a part of my life and I was a part of his. That's all.

Then one day, he was performing at a local mall and he sang my favourite song - The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves. And I swear he was looking right into my eyes during the chorus. Things got better but our relationship was still unofficial. He wrote a song for me, I think, because I wasn't too sure what he was feeling when he first sang the song to me. The song was titled 'Hey Sally' and he claimed Sally was his imaginary girlfriend. I was clueless since I had never been in a relationship, and he was the closest to a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I got greedy and demanded from him what he wanted from me. I was confused and I couldn't be played out like that with him playing with my feelings and then disappearing for a two or three weeks before texting me again. I was angry at myself and him for not saying what was meant to be said. I still think of him sometimes, but I know he's happy with his new girlfriend. I wish we were still together, though. Because after we ended our 'relationship', he never got back to music. I'm pretty sure I screwed that one up for him.

The Giant Teddy

Date: February 21, 2009

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I think I was about about 14 when I met Nathan. He was a few years older then me and somewhat awkward. He got teased a lot in school as he was incredabily big in size but not in brain power. Think an aussie version of shaggy from scooby doo. I had some great chats with Nathan over the 2 or so years we hung out but after a while I found his advances a little too much and backed off. He didn't. He would often drive next to me on the way home from school as I refused to get in his ute and turn up on my doorstep randomly with some random mate. I found it creepy at the time but looking back he was just a young guy with a crush. One late afternoon I heard his ute in my driveway. When I came out I was shocked to see a ridiculously giant teddy in the passanger seat with it's seat belt on. I hadn't seen Nathan for a while and this gesture was completly out of the blue. I tried to explain to him we weren't those kind of friends but he looked sad and asked me to keep it. That damn teddy has been such a hassle! It takes up most of any room it is in and could probably be used as a bed! I would have given it away straight away but I found one in a shop for about $350 so guilt made me hold onto. When I moved out of home I left it with my mother for her to carry as her burdon. About a year ago I found out Nathan died in a car accident with his brother. The teddy is still at my mothers.

Letter Head

Date: February 18, 2009

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Mine is just a story of infatuation. When I was in high school, final year, I had changed schools from an all girls catholic to a co ed school. Finally, some boys to interact with. Because I didn't know most of the students there I became mates with a guy I worked with. He was cute, charming and always made me laugh. Even though I was seeing a different guy outside school at the time I couldn't help but flirt a little. I knew he felt the same way I did. We used to write letters to each other whenever we were in different classes. Some where cute and lovely others were rather naughty for 17 year olds to be saying. I lost count of how many we wrote.

Now nine years later I came across heaps of those letters in an old sewing box. Reading them puts the biggest smile on my face as I can remember everything about those words. There's no way I'm ever getting rid of them. I'll keep them in that sewing box and think of him whenever I sew.

The Pencil

Date: February 17, 2009

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A few years ago I was with a really great guy (not too sure why I broke up with him).  We loved each other but had not yet said the L word, we were always together & often were asked by all out friends & family what status our relationship was... we'd both just shrug our shoulders (I guess we both liked the unknown status).  He was at work & I for some reason asked him to bring me a surprise.  After work he came over to my place & after about an hour of me trying to guess what he had for me he handed me one of those flat builders pencils... not what I was expecting but still kind of sweet.

I can never throw that pencil away. I have moved out & live with my boyfriend of 2.5years - the pencil still sits in the same spot, on my bedside table at my parents house. Anytime I go into my old bedroom I often see the flat pencil & smile... One day I might run into him & remind him I still have the flat pencil...